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The Essential Talk with your Wife

Introduction

In this video, we dive into the critical role of core values in your leadership role as parents, as a King and a Queen.
Discover how discussing values acts like a compass for your relationship, helping you lead with intention towards the future you both desire.
Join us as we explore how values guide you both during tough times and set a positive direction for your family.

This is the first practice for the way of a King in our series: focusing on the transformative power of aligning with your values alongside your partner.

The Essential talk with your wife

Most of the time, we go through life on autopilot, reacting to situations without a clear intention or direction. But when leading a family or organization, it’s crucial to navigate with a clear vision and intention about what we do, why, and how. This vision creates order and security.. Think of it as crafting the constitution of your own nation, or setting the mission statement for your family. 

Starting with the future in mind is the hallmark of the King archetype. This is what leadership means. Kings are proactive. They try to create the future rather than react to unfolding events. The future is unknown and unpredictable. Kings create order with the  power of the vision they establish and follow. This vision is their core values.  Think of health, honesty, freedom, justice, connection, courage, kindness, care, loyalty, beauty, and more.

If your mission as a King is to create order, your first practice in this role is this: talk about values.

Values are your longstanding and most stable inner guides. They form the foundation of your identity because they stem from your deepest beliefs, desires, and aspirations. You surely value money, status, success, and followers on social media, but these are based on external benefits and outcomes. If you link your well-being to these outcomes, which you can hardly control, you are doomed to living on a rollercoaster. The values we are talking about do not depend on anything external. We simply feel good when we act on them, in the present moment. You may get disappointed with the outcomes but not with yourself. Your family values reflect the behaviors you expect from one another, for example, kindness, respect, connection, support, affection, loyalty, and more.

How do values matter to your family life?

  1. House Foundation: Shared values are the glue that binds your family together, especially in tough times. They’re your North Star when storms hit. 
  2. Choices:   Values, unlike feelings or personality traits, represent choice.  They give you the power to steer towards the future you desire. Through values, you express your freedom to choose your ways in child-rearing, spending money, or your relationship goals.
  3. Positive Direction:   Values don’t just say “no”; they shout “yes” to the life you want. They are always defined in terms that inspire us to manifest them. They point us back to the path when we have lost our way. Without the intention of values, your attention tends to get caught by what goes wrong. You both become reactive, with more negative emotions, arguments, and complaints. With values, you bring the power of “Yes.”
  4. Conflict Resolution:   Ever feel like you’re playing a game without rules? That’s where values come in—they set the boundaries for fair play, even in the heat of an argument. Values such as respect and kindness provide a container for the hard feelings that arise during conflicts.
  5.   Legacy and Modeling for Your Kids:   Your values are not just for you—they’re the legacy you leave for your kids, shaping the kind of people they’ll become and how they will remembr you. 

And hey, let’s get real for a moment: Talking values is not about being righteous or better than others. Yes, values represent the ideal self, but your real self is forever lagging behind your ideal self. We are all flawed, and we must accept it. By talking values you simply agree to be the torchbearer for your family. You keep the values in your awareness. 

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