The Essential Role of Fathers

The Essential Role of Fathers in Enforcing Rules and Discipline 

As parents, you lead by creating rules and enforcing them consistently. This is how you lay the foundation for your children to feel secure and thrive. However, authority its not a fun job. As an enlightened father-king, you fully comprehend and accept that not everyone will appreciate you for causing frustration and discomfort. It is an ungrateful task and you totally get it. Yet, 

you also understand that enforcing rules is the greatest gift for life you can give your children.  Here is why:

  • Rules keep them safe and Secure. 
  • They instill habits that protect them from potential dangers.  
  • Rules build social skills and teach them respect. Accepting rules is a key for healthy relationships. 
  • Rules provide children with a sense of predictability and clear expectations.  
  • Rules help children learn the concept of responsibility by holding them accountable for their actions. 
  • Rules foster self-discipline and impulse-control, essential skills for success in life. The power of your authority is internalized by your child, enabling them later to take charge of their own life.  
  • Rules prepare them for coping with their developmental tasks as adults, managing challenges at the workplace and with close relationships.  

As you can see, the long-term benefits of healthy discipline are strong and clear. Your partner surely understands that as well. She is not less enlightened than you, but when it comes to disciplining children she is up against a far bigger barrier than you. Her emotional bond with the kids, her sensitivity and her responsiveness, make her feel their pain in a motherly way. Her reactivity threshold towards their pain is different than yours. Children learn very early that crying is an easy way to soften boundaries with their mothers. 

 It works differently with their father. It makes you an invaluable asset in the area of setting boundaries.

Ideal home for kids 

Mothers and fathers naturally respond differently to their children. While her strength is often displayed in warmth and responsiveness, your strength can complement her with more challenges and boundaries. 

 The ideal environment for children strikes a balance between warmth and control, a concept known as authoritative parenting. Being too open and flexible may breed chaos and confusion while being too strict and punitive can lead to resistance and resentment. Children who grow up with the right balance of warmth and control perform better in school and show better emotional and social adjustment. Balancing the feminine capacities of motherhood with the masculine capacities of fatherhood is the best formula. 

Modern challenges to your authority

This balancing idea sounds great but in recent years men like you are facing a new challenge. Regular attacks on masculinity hit families right here at the crucial fathering role of enforcing rules.

  Your efforts to discipline your child may be perceived as too rigid, even aggressive, and harmful. The message to you is that you should not hurt your child.

In the name of sensitivity, some parents try to spare their kids unpleasant feelings. The impact on children is described in the book The Coddling of the American Mind. A culture of overprotectiveness towards children fails to teach them resilience and other essential coping skills needed to manage life’s challenges. The result is a pandemic of anxiety and depression. For the enlightened father-king it is not enough to understand the importance of order and enforcing rules. You must also recognize and confront the cultural challenges posed by trendy, superficial ideas that emasculate fathers, to the detriment of their children. The research is very clear on that: absent or weak fathers will have devastating effects on child’s development, particularly boys.  Please keep this in mind and let your care for your children hold you firm on the throne of a father-king. 

My job with this program is to help you use your authority with ease and competence to the benefit of your children. 

So where should you start?

To build your authority as a father-king you need many tools and practices. Lets begin the journey with supporting the mother. Understand that her protectiveness is not against you, even though it might feel like it at times. It will help you feel more confident and more competent as a father if you can understand and support the mother in this area of discipline. 

I often hear from men that their children behave much better when the mother is away. It’s important to recognize that this doesn’t reflect a failure on her part; rather, it highlights the intense emotional bond between children and their mothers. 

 If you criticize your partner for being too lenient or label your child as manipulative, you’re not only missing the point but also worsening her feelings of guilt and self-doubt.

Our motto in this program is that we use our unique capacities as fathers and mothers to complement and support each other in our vulnerabilities. 

 We accept the natural differences in parental roles. 

So, when she reacts strongly against the boundaries you set, understand that it’s her pain speaking, not her authority. Do not take it personally.  Instead of resorting to blame, judgment, or arguments, try to recognize and validate her concerns. 

Simple statements like the ones that appear on the screen now can have a profound impact on you both:.

“Yeah, I know it’s tough for you.” 

“I see how her crying upset you.”

“Sorry you are so upset by it.”

“It’s hard for me too, but I do that for him”.

Yes, I am aware that most men may find it awkward to express themselves this way.  But you will be amazed at how far a simple message of empathy can go. 

Practice for The Way of a King. 

As your next practice on the way of a King, talk to your wife about the differences in parenting style and how her emotional bond with the kids may challenge her in enforcing rules. Ask her how best to support her during these times. 

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The Essential Role of Fathers